WAKING LIFE
June 2nd, 2020
Words & Art by Grim Hunny
Quarantine has allowed me to face myself through several different waves of emotion. Panic eventually gave way to peace during mundane moments, but the news of mass injustice has woken me again as this period takes on a new shape. I'm still trying to process it all with care, and balancing it with moments for myself.

Again
I watched my sister lean out the window
facing where the smoke was dark
where the smell was coming from the worst
The noise
the thickness of the tension mixed in with summer and sweat and broken ACs
hanging outside of windows
“It’s happening again,
they’re being mean,
they’re being wicked,
they’re spitting on Us,
they’re standing on the only thing that matters,”
The flames grow.
Glass breaks.
Bones crack as another one of us screams That Phrase.
“they’ve taken Him,
and Her,
And Them.”
We add names to the growing list of People that look like us - that we will never see
again
unless it’s in news articles or shared stories
or through family left behind
“they’re taking Our voice,
they’re taking Our bodies,
they’re hosing Us down.”
I had fooled myself into thinking enough time had passed between the first and last
incident
We should be indoors
We should be away from the streets
But they’ve called us back for more
Before We have had a chance to rest or process or grieve
“We’ll be okay.”
She says, closing the window and walking out the door.
“We’ll make it right.”

No Sunshine
My ceiling still has holes in it so I can always hear the rain starting on the roof
It’s coming in large scattered drops that simmer on the tiles outside and bang off the
metal from the construction next door
The workers call it a day, shimmying off of the ladders and into their cars
The rain is picking up
It’s all dark and grey
The children are screaming and laughing from across the street as their mothers and
aunts try to chase them back indoors
I keep forgetting what that was like
I’m still at my desk, working
Still waiting for it to get heavy enough to justify wrapping myself in a blanket and binge
watching tv
My cat is already asleep on the corner of the bed, unbothered
I’m waiting to achieve that level of zen
But I’m worried about a lot
About the shift of the world
At least the rain came
Even though the WiFi is going down
At least it’s drifting the smell of wet dirt through the windows
At least it’s shaking the trees and giving me something else to hear
The power went out
There’s thunder in the distance
It’s coming at its own pace
The lightening is already here
Shining white in the sky
I’ve always been a little afraid of both
But I know only one can hurt me
I’m wrapped up tight

Amateur
I’m certain it’s been an eternity I’ve spent in this kitchen
Pinching and mixing and rolling
Hoping whatever is in the bowl turns to bread or pasta or some form of cake
I’m full of flour and eggs and energy drinks accumulated over the last few months
I’ll laugh the extra weight off over Zoom with friends
I’ll sit on my floor and scroll until I fall in love with another recipe
I pretend I’m on a cooking show
Rushing around as my cat side eyes me
He’s looking for scraps
I’m looking for some form of stability
Unsure if it’ll come because I’m yelling at my oven again
I could have sworn I preheated it before I started
I wait with a podcast that is talking to me about how amazing I am and that I should
also buy a mattress that unfolds itself
I dance through a song that has a fun beat but belts out that I need to escape
I go back to the podcast because sometimes it’s better to not have an existential crisis
while cooking in your pajamas
Another eternity moves by
And my masterpiece is done
Some golden brown mass that I will definitely douse in cheese or frosting or jam
It’s only beautiful because I made it
And that’s my favorite part
Grim Hunny is a painter, illustrator, animator and crafter based on Abuja, Nigeria. You can find her @grimhunny_art